Isolationism

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What Kind of I am I, Digital Art Print by Susan T. Martin 2016

At times the Artist feels so exposed…so unlike the rest…so isolated from the rest of humankind… She express this as ,”Feeling like I am painted Green”.

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Isolationism, by Susan T. Martin Watercolor and Ink on Paper, 11″ x 14″ $150.00

A Saint Petersburg Artist Resident

It has been an enormously trying year and one half, year and 8 months , actually. I have grown SO much since I have lived here in St. Petersburg, I have learned to believe in myself, and in my ability to survive.

As An ARTIST.  In my own right, I have put in the footwork, stretched my boundaries, made the connections, painted the dreams, and PUT MYSELF OUT THERE! 

Wow!!!  I mean , WOW!

 

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After  All the Fear, Loneliness, Grief, Doubt, All chaining me down and holding me back… I did the impossible. I used my art and with God’s unfailing love, have set myself free! Yes, He saved me from the pit, and put my feet upon a crag, and then I, Susie, Sue, Susan Todd!cropped-c4c4baeb-e0d8-4b76-89a0-c5fbe582a12c.jpg

 

picked up the tools I gathered over the past 40 + years, and put them to Use! Hacking off the dead pieces, digging down to fresh clean soil to build this life on. This BEAUTIFUL LIFE, This Sensitive Life, This life of Love.

A life of true purpose and meaning… I am SO grateful, and full…I may just burst into a ball of colorful confetti!

I know it was not all me, but you know what?

I COULDN’T HAVE DONE IT WITHOUT ME!74AE89DF-B621-4273-B7EB-7D51034CBCF2

So here is my tooting of my own horn, soaking up the satisfaction of a job well done and a future of hope and joy!

I am very proud to share that The Morean Arts Center in Downtown Saint Petersburg, Florida, has granted me the honor of a little pop up show in their beautiful facility! A show that features my art, my way, my innermost feelings, fears and flashbacks all on canvas, and OUT of me. So that I can help someone else see that you CAN have a life after violent sexual assault. After  molestation, after rape, after domestic violence, after ALL the trauma … you can still find your own voice under all the rubble, and you can stand up, on your own again!

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I want you to know that you can recover, but you must work at it and be steadfast in your desire to rise from the ashes of whatever you have experienced. I was surrounded by a family who never wanted to discuss what happened to me, and who treated me like I was touched by some uncleanliness. As if the person I was inside was somehow changed. Soiled. Ruined.

I stand up today, that same child, that same teenager, that same woman and I shout from the treetops that I am clean, and loved, and strong, and Beautiful! I am NOT what happened to me. I am a whole, healed  woman. And I am an ARTIST.cropped-artwork-and-pictures-056.jpgcropped-win_20161110_20_51_35_pro-5.jpg80B2AA6A-B993-41D9-AC94-BE325A4F596C

We’re All Innocent by Susan T. Martin

This painting is Mixed Media on Canvas, 24″x 36″ signed and unframed.

It is the culmination of months of work and thought, and is now, finally, at a stage I can call finished. I think we have spoken to one another long enough, now I will let it speak to you. There are many ways one can interpret a work of art, and I am not going to dictate how you interpret mine. Let it speak to you in the language you understand. My work here is done.

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We’re All Innocent, mixed media on 36″ x 24″canvas, by Susan T. Martin $400.00
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Detail of We’re All Innocent, by Susan T. Martin
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Detail, We’re All Innocent by Susan T. Martin2018

“Open Sea” and Exquisite Aloneness

This was a big endeavor for me, and I believe I have painted at least three different paintings in the course of 2 years on this one canvas…That can be one of the downfalls of being ocd and bipolar, when I can’t let a thing be good enough or ever done.

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Open Sea, acrylic on canves,by Susan T. Martin 2018
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Detail of “Open Sea” with digital edit
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Open Sea , By Susan T. Martin, acrylic on canvas. I tried to offer some perspective on the size of the work… I will post actual size soon.

So, here is the latest thought, the most beautiful and sad faced bird, and one that has had bestowed upon it men’s dreams and mankind’s heartbreaks, the Albatross…, I feel like this animal knows me, that she mirrors the exquisite alone-ness and yet oneness with all that I feel so often.

i REMEMBER SO VIVIDLY THE EXHILARATION OF BEING OUT ON THE OPEN WATER, THE SALT SPRAY KISSING MY FACE, AND NOTHING BUT THE GREAT EXPANSE OF SEA AND SKY SURROUNDING ME.

This tiny GIANT Life of Mine!!!

I am Creating! In a wonderful whirlwind! Paint flying off brushes onto cement, metal, canvas and walls! Hot glue, super glue, elmers glue, whew!

My work feels urgent, and it has for a while…secretly I have been feeling that my time here is limited, so I must hurry-make my mark while I can! Is it health concerns? Physical ones? Is my breath being sucked out of my lungs from the past abuse I put them thru? Each day feels less like breathing and more like drowning. Each step feels less like walking on the ground, more like sinking in the mire and sediment…

I am urgent in my service to God, they need to know, they need to know! How good life can be, without the stone, the stick, the stem!! Do not drown that brain in pickling juice my young artist friend: FEEL IT, BREATH IT IN, PAINT IT, NAIL IT DOWN!!! NOWNOWNOW!!!!!!

The life I took from myself has to be accounted for! I will account for it in dreams, in images, in COLOR! I have to let someone KNOW WHO I AM  before it evaporates, this little giant life of mine.

Did I tell you about being snake bitten twice? Did I tell you about riding the rails with the train tramps? Did I tell you about living in the Sonoran Desert? Did you read my poems, my blog? My instagram feed?

Do you know who I am?

Look at me, I have lived.