What this means to me : I hope that it means that some where, in this great big world, a child won’t be violated tonight…because someone talked to a parent, a trusted adult, a mental health professional, a trusted member of law enforcement, a dear friend, and told them what had happened. And that the […]Read Post ›
I did something today that has me all twisted up inside like it just happened…And I thought I was SO far Over It, So Healed, So Strong, So SMART. All the years and years and years of therapy, and here I am again. Bruised, tattered, and lying on the cold floor of a dark green tent, somewhere […]Read Post ›
Run, full out, for half a mile. Sleep, for eight hours and awaken, refreshed. Look intently into my true love’s eyes. Spend a whole day free of pain. Hear the ocean’s crashing waves outside my bedroom door. Write a piece of poetry to make a reader cry. Touch someone.
I am here again, on lock down of my own making. Wanting the isolation while longing for company. I feel unsure, unsteady, and oh, so tired. The dialogue inside my head has slowed, and the gist of it is dire, down and miserable. I hate myself like this, and that adds to my misery because […]Read Post ›
The wind blows, my mind slips back into some disturbing dream. Was it me then, or is it me now? I can’t believe where I have been. I yearn for escape, memories come reminding me what I have done. I chose a new way, on a hopeful day, changed my methods and my means… […]Read Post ›
Strange days, these. People are acting wild, out of control. There is fear in their eyes, urgency in their speech. Anger in their hearts. I have been running away again, from storms, from memories, from emotions. Thankfully running towards God, who has taken me in, again. I am so grateful. I had a bad episode […]Read Post ›
I am fighting right now, and you already know what is after me…negativity. Depression. Self Pity. Pain. Sadness…boo, boo, bad, hiss, grrr, mumble, mumble…SIGH… I have been feeling worse than usual in my physical self, heavy, cumbersome(love that word), out of breath, and oh! SO SLEEPY. Mentally? Running With Scissors!!!! WHEEEEE!!! Paint, Paint, draw, sculpt, glue, […]Read Post ›
The decision to enter my painting in an art show at a real art gallery was easy to make. I believe I am being motivated by fear, having learned while Pops was in hospital that I will basically be destitute after he dies or if he must be placed in a home. I had always […]Read Post ›
I answered his call tonight. What a foolish foolish girl. I knew that it was wrong, to talk to the abuser, but I did it anyway. After years of being strong, of cutting out the gangrenous heart of me. How could I sell my broken soul out so cheaply? I knew he would say something […]Read Post ›
He has a look, lately. A hateful look, cold. No trace of love. No recognition. I’m not sure how I feel about that. I used to yearn so much for his love that I would have thrown myself in front of a train, just for a pat on the back. That is all I would […]Read Post ›
