A World of Hurt
Not too negative here…Just pondering on where I am at today on the smiley-face pain scale. “How is your pain today Ms. Martin?” the nurse asks. Hmmm…If I say 8 is she going to want to see writhing? If I say 4 will I be turned away to suffer without any hope of relief? How close am I to feeling like I have been run over by a truck? Of feeling like a Rhino has gored me? Of feeling like I am in the process of giving birth?
If a 10 is the worst pain imaginable isn’t that impossible to accurately gauge? If I am in such pain then it no longer is imagined, it is real. Now a new level of imaginability needs to be calculated. What if my face is not bright yellow, my eyes not tiny black dots, my mouth not a thin and crooked black line? I am amazingly not in excruciating pain at the moment-but it was a trade off. Usually I break my muscle relaxers in tiny pieces; I don’t like to be groggy the next day so I suffer thru the night. But the insomnia and increasing agony have been warring against me this last month. I think it’s so much worse from the fall I took last month which resulted in a new head injury on top of my existing brain injury from 2013 and from the regular beatings I took during my 7 year marriage to a human tornado. The last month I have dealt with extreme headaches, more vertigo and renewed neck pain to join the raging party already going on in my lower body.
So tonight I will rest, but tomorrow it’s back to the old grind. Here is my latest “In Progress” piece :