Illuminating The Plight of an Artist In the THROES of a MANIC EPISODE!!!

I’m going to go out on a limb here, and do something brave. I have been sharing my Bipolar Diagnosis for years here on Out of the Gutter Art. But I wonder if you, dear reader, are becoming jaded by the sheer number of people, creatives and otherwise, who throw the term “Bipolar” around like it is a type of claim to fame?

Do you ever wonder if the peron has a “real” condition, one that can be crippling emotionally, can lead to very real physical illness and often times ends in death? I must admit, I hesitated to add the name of my mental illness to my name as a public artist. But I wanted to help people who also battle this illness. I have battled so long and paid such a high price and actually suffered with this disease that I want to pave the way for those who come after. I dont share the fact that I am a survivor of violence to toot my own horn, or give me some imaginary ( and frankly twisted thinking here) EDGE, as if PTSD is a medal, or inclusion into some club- I share these things so that someone else can find hope and a way forward. Perhaps I was in 12 Step programs too long (yes, I am Clean and Sober 21 years! toot toot!), where you are taught that ” to keep it you have to give it away”. No, I think I am moved to do this because I walked thru 20 miles and 56 years of burning coals to get where I am today. AND IT WAS A VERY LONG LONELY, LONELY, LONELY, LONELY ROAD. I would be so very happy if I could pour water on those coals for the Young people diagnosed with this sickness. So while it may annoy you that I tag myself as a “Relevant, Rapid Cycling and Recycling Bipolar Artist”, please just consider why I do this, Cause, hey, it sure doesn’t sell any art.

So, here is my plan. I am going to share a video I made while in a full blown manic episode , where I have gotten 2 hours sleep in the past 52 hours, and am in a whirlwind of creativity. I find it funny, and revealing, but I gotta tell ya, sitting here now at 6 in the morning surrounded by the wreckage, I also find it enlightening…However, I doubt it will get me to sleep any earlier tomorrow!

*note to viewers: DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME! I do not recommend insomnia to anyone…

**note #2 : please try not to criticize my housekeeping… anyone familiar with the mania that accompanies Bipolar Disorder will recognize this symptom. I usually crash after these episodes and sleep all day, waking up to the tornado that I was the night before. I am usually horrified at the dirty dishes, strewn clothing and food wrappers, empty coffee cups and things out of place, like shovels in the kitchen of hedge clippers in the bathroom sink…so a cleaning frenzy then ensues…Needless to say, it is exhausting to be Bipolar…

Here it is! Creative Mania of a Bipolar Artist in real time!

Categories: acrylic, art, Art Collectors, Artistic Excellence, Assemblage, Best, Bipolar Art, Bipolar Disorder, career, Childhood sexual abuse, Chronic Depression, clean, Denial, digital art, disability, dreams, Employment, garden art, garden Photography, gratitude, Hope, identity, insomnia, Joy, learning, love, Making Money, Mania, mental illness, metamorphosis, artist, love, change, recovery, rebirth, Mixed Media, Murals, outsider art, pain, painting, Photography, poems, promises, Psychiatrist, PTSD, Recovery, Healing, recycled, recycled art, Retirement,, Saving Money, sexual assault, sobriety, Success, Therapy, treasures, voyages, Wildlife, yard artTags: , , , , , , , ,

Susan T. Martin

I am an Artist, Poet and Author. A Survivor of Violent Sexual Abuse and Rape, I have lived thru Severe Domestic Violence, Twenty Three years of Addiction and Alcoholism, Family Dysfunction, Chronic Pain, Dependence on Opioids, and 2 Venomous Snake Bites...I have Been Stabbed, Shot at, Tied to a Tree and Choked Unconscious. A Quarter Horse Rolled on Me, as did a Lawn Tractor. I also Wrecked a Harley into a Tree! I also have PTSD and Rapid Cycling Bipolar Disorder, and spent my 18th birthday in a Locked Psychiatric Ward. I am so much more than this: I feel like a tiny seed that sprouted in a desert, and now has grown into a Passion Vine. My Art is my Voice, Screaming, Crying, Praying, Loving, Laughing, Healing- all in Riotous Color...

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